❤LARA❤

2009-10-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

This would be my last post

Thanx for being my follower

I Love You All

xoxo

-nina-

Last Post

2009-10-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

I just break down and cry

Hate to admit this

What epiy said was actually true

"No one can be trusted"

Not even you yourself

When you cry

You cry alone

Coz no one will be there

To waste their tears for you

No one can be your shoulder cry

Coz it's just to heavy to burden

No one can be a listener

Coz our story is just too bored to listen

Nothing you do can please everyone

Coz from the very beginning

You have failed to please yourself

"What goes around, Comes around"

-Thank you

-Im sorry

-Goodbye

Beloved Life

2009-10-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

I know that trusting you for this time

Is so stupid of me

But you are my bestie

My Tweenie

I know it

You and my brother...

Feel real sad

Real bad

What to do

Im just sitting here

While playing The Sims

I killed myself

Make a small funeral

For me and myself

No one visit

Crying alone

For what I've done

I wrote myself a message

"Im not a Princess, This is not a Fairy-tale"

"Im not the one you sweep off her feet"

"This ain't a Hollywood, This is a small town"

"I was a dreamer before you went and let me down"

"And it's too late for you, to catch me now"

Goodbye

2009-10-29T07:21:00.000-07:00

Sorry to say

I know what you guys were doing

Sorry to say

You cant force me to say

Sorry to say

Im f***ing hate this

Sorry to say

I give in, again

Sorry to say

Im tired

Sorry to say

I dont trust you anymore

Sorry to say

I dont appreciate for whateva you're doing

Sorry to say

Im so down

Sorry to say

I dont wna talk about it

Sorry to say

I hate you

Sorry to say

Im not your sister anymore

Im sorry

-nazim ashraff-

At Night

2009-10-28T19:49:00.000-07:00

WEIRD THING HAPPENS TO ME

Muzakkir Zamani

2009-10-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

Abang aku ney kan!!

POT PET POT PET kat aku pasal Les****

Cinta this Cinta that

Urghhh!!

Me and Annick

2009-10-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

The older is me and the younger is Annick
See how evil I am!!

Amal

2009-10-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

My fav word

Annick

2009-10-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

She always say things wrongly

Darvina

2009-10-27T07:15:00.001-07:00

dar always hate her mom if she didnt give her anytg tht she wants..

Hor Mun

2009-10-27T07:09:00.001-07:00

Hor Mun is a very loving sis

NINA

2009-10-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

The Mangkuks

2009-10-26T04:12:00.000-07:00

Silence

2009-10-26T03:56:00.000-07:00

In the dark cold rainy night

I stare through the violent sky

This you know, This I know

The words written on your heart made up of tears

Were created from the silence I remain in

You keep talking without a sound

As I whisper

Secret left unsaid

L.O.V.E

2009-10-26T00:23:00.000-07:00

I'd give up

Give up for

L.O.V.E

Love means nothing to me

Lover comes and goes in my life

Me either in theirs

Some say Love

It is a river

That drowns the tender reed

Some say Love

It is a flower

And lover is only seed

I say Love

It is a hunger

An endless aching need

I say Love

It is a razor

That leaves your soul to bleed

When the night has been so lonely

And the road has been too long

And now I think

That Love is only

For the [lucky]

And the [strong]

-nina-

Sai

2009-10-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

Saidatul Athirah

Or what ever name they call you

Just wna say few things here

You are cool

Know why?

Coz you're fucking idiot!!

An idiotic person who can purposely swear for any lies you're telling!!

Maybe other people would trust you

But hell NO for me!!

To one of my friend

You are so sweet

Curious to find out why?

Coz you are so FAKE

And bring troubles a lot!!

You are the MF that im talking about

I know im not "SO GOOD" like you are

But I dont give a damn on stupid things like you did!!

To Alya and D

What ever you guys told me bout Sai

Sorry to say

Waste my time to put some trust on her

You guys have right to trust her

But Im very sure that Annick wont tell lies

So, think about it

And plus, thanx for helping me

Come back to our main character

Sai or what ever "nice" name you have

You are terribly ANNOYING!!

If you manage to read this,

PLEASE DO STAY AWAY from ME and MY BESTIES!!!

And here are few sentences for you from my BELOVED BUDDY, FARRAHEEN

"I dont trust her!! Coz epiy tau dya tu BIAWAK!! Dah Bercabang!!

Kot mana pown dya AKAN TIPU!!!"

And whatever it is,

AKU TAK AKAN MINTA MAAF DGN HANG!!
You did a lot of things to me!!

Enough now!!

I'll show u my true colours!!!

Best F***er

2009-10-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

I am so depressed

So FED UP

So F***ing Mad!!

How dare you...

Urghh!!

Idiot!!

I defended you like a fool!!

And in return what you did was..!!

I am so giving up on you!

Bloody Hell!!

Bloody girl!!

You are just like other MF in our school!!

Or maybe worse...

~~God i wna get out frm tht schl~~

Aku Bukan Superman

2009-10-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

Remember

2009-10-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

Remember the laughs
Remember the smiles
Remember the times we had for a while
Remember the good
Remember the bad
Remember the love that we once had
Remember with a smile
Remember with a tear
Remember the times you held me in fear
Remember the hugs
Whatever you do don't forget US

XLesX

2009-10-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

Err...this photo is just for ______

paham2 sendiri la

Gonna Love You At Night

2009-10-21T19:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow when I wake up I'll be feeling a little guilty, a little sad
Thinking how it used to be before everything went bad
I guess that's what is
In lonely late night calls like this that we try to find
I may hate myself in the morning but I'm gonna love you at night

Come Back To Me

2009-10-21T17:38:00.000-07:00

The rain falls on my windows
And the coldness runs through my soul
When the rain falls,
I don't want to be alone

I wish that I could Photoshop on
Our bad memories
Because the flashbacks,

Won't leave me alone

If you come back to me
I'll be all that you need
Baby, come back to me
Let me make up for what happened in the past

I wish that he would listen to her
Side of the story
It isn't that bad
And she's wiser for it now

I admit I cheated
Don't know why I did it
But I do regret it
Nothing I can do or say can change the past

Can't you see you punished me
More than enough already

-Baby come back to me-

Dream

2009-10-21T17:07:00.000-07:00

I See Your Face And Baby I Forget You Left.

I Swear I Thought,

Things Were The Way They Were Before.

I Could See You Smile And Everything Was Fine.

But When I Opened My Eyes, They Filled With Tears.

I Knew You Left Me When I Needed You Most.

I've Never Had Anything So Special Before.

All Those Lonely Nights Waiting In Pain.

I Thought You Took Away Those Cold Times.

But Now I Feel Colder Then I Ever Began With.

You Know I Understand This But I Still Can't Help It.

I Miss You, I Want You Back,

And Now I Think My Heart Is Braking.

I'm Falling Apart.

Im Hot and Cold

2009-10-20T23:58:00.000-07:00

I can be so nice and friendly to you

I maybe kind for some people

Im cheerful and fun to be with

Caring and loving to those who I love

Look kinda innocent and childish

But

There's another side of me

That some people realise

And some people hate me to be like this

I can be so cruel and evil

I act brutally to whom I dont like

Use bad words in every possible sentence

Prank people badly

Enjoy witnessing people suffering

Kill them if I get the chance

Hurt everyone without feeling remorse

Backstabbing everybody

Plan some dirty works

Play with people's heart

Cheating behind my partners

A very heavy gay

Heavy smoker

Forget lovers easily

Never say sorry if really my fault

Never appreciate people's love

Hacker in people's privacy

Can be really snobbish

Mood swings easily

Rather scream than talk

Problematic child

Good at acting and faking something

Hypocrite

Enemy lovers

Kiss addict

Always hide something

And

Emotionally disturb

so..

Im here to say sorry to those people

whom I hurt a lot

And hope you understand

If tomorrow I wouldnt talk to you

Or just pass you by without a glance

Coz

Read back the above reasons

Restless Bird

2009-10-20T23:13:00.001-07:00

Love me tender.
Love me well.
Listen to the beats of my heart
And the stories that it tells.

Love me tight
And love me true.
But be careful, I'm a restless bird
That won't be caged by you.

I've found my company in the skies.
Beside the trees, the lakes and the stars.
But if you try to keep me too close
Then I'll want to fly far.

I'll fly far, far away
To the land where there is no pain.
Where i don't have anything to lose
And everything to gain.

So love me tender
And love me true.
But remember, I'm a restless bird
That will not be caged by you.

*There is a fine line between love and possessiveness.

...

2009-10-19T21:11:00.001-07:00

Now I understand

For what you're doing now

And why you acted weirdly

My Goodness!

-You SUCK-

My Situation

2009-10-19T02:23:00.000-07:00

.when she did the confession.

.Lynn.

Sometimes

2009-10-19T01:32:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we see things that aren’t meant to be seen.

Sometimes things aren’t always as they seem.
Sometimes we need someone to call our own,
Especially when we’re alone.
Sometimes people just can’t understand,
Why things get out of hand.
Sometimes life just isn’t fair,
Especially when people just don’t care.
And sometimes it's hard to say,
Why things have to be this way.
Sometimes it’s all you can do to get by,
Especially when dreams continue to die.
Sometimes it’s nice to sit in the rain.
Even to just relieve the pain.
And when we’ve had a really bad day,
Sometimes we just need to get away.
We never know what’s wrong with out pain.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

And sometimes when people get hurt,
Even the strongest ones may need comfort.
Sometimes by Nina

Miss You

2009-10-19T01:21:00.001-07:00

Love Quotes

Bye-Bye ✖ερîÿ✖

2009-10-19T01:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry you're leaving,
your loss will be greatly felt,
but I won't over-exaggerate
and say my heart will melt!
It's really hard to say goodbye,
to such a friend and pal,
with tears in eyes and lump in throat,
Adios! Au revoir! Farewell!

For Ann

2009-10-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

Grab a new Myspace 2.0 Layout

Forgive Me

2009-10-17T20:41:00.001-07:00

Fucking Sorry My Dear

A or S

2009-10-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

If i have to choose between two

I would probably choose you

But our story had found the end

And sorry,

I'll be chosing the second one

~~im sorry for doing this~~

LASM

2009-10-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

When she asked me the question

"Im scared that you might not love me, do you?"

I showed her the scar while saying

"Does this meant anything to you?"

With her eyes open widely she said

"Why did you do that?? It's my name on your...."

I cut her words then I grinned

She then again ask me

"Does it hurt? OMG..."

I cant answer that

Its really pain but

By witnessing the smile that she carved on her face

~~I feel like carving her name all over my body~~

Feel so great

2009-10-16T02:54:00.000-07:00

It's great to know tht you're fine

Great to know that you're happy

Great to know that you find someone else as my replacement

Happy to hear that she's better than me in so many ways

Relief when at last, you release me

Good to hear that you're not coming back

Feel awesome to say goodbye

So true that I feel annoyed when im thinking bout you

And really soon

Im gonna find someone someday

Who might actually treat me well....

~~but how to do that when my heart is still with you?~~

Lynn

2009-10-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

She is a Form 3 girl..
She is my "crush's" sis..
She's kinda cute..
but BIG annoyer!!
She is sooo GEDIK
She's WEIRD..

Worse thing is.....
~~she told me she likes me~~

Adoiii!!!!

2009-10-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

STUPID!!!

Im in terribly shocked!!!
Very shocked!!
OMG....

URGHHH!!!!

WHY???
WHY????

I bukannya Tb pown!!!

YERRRR!!!!

Are you blind???

OMG...

Ampunkanlah segala dosa2 ku Ya Allah...

Eeeeee....!!!!

The Latest Cuts

2009-10-14T02:28:00.000-07:00

I tried to make an 'X'

But it end up with 'A'

Got someone perasan I cut coz of her

x.x'

Suffering

2009-10-14T01:56:00.000-07:00

Glitter Graphics Maker & MySpace Layouts

My Song

2009-10-14T01:43:00.000-07:00

I know I should just keep going

But I dont know where to start

Maybe someday

All the pain will fade

Maybe this hurt will slowly slip away

Maybe someday will never change

And I still love you

my world's over without you

:*(

Goodbye My Lover, Goodbye My Friend

2009-10-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

..................

miss u

Im not perfect

2009-10-10T00:21:00.000-07:00

I am not a perfect person,
And I don't try to be.
I am just another imprisoned soul,
That is longing to be set free.

I don't want to be in this place anymore,
I don't want to shed anymore tears.
I'm sick of always hiding inside of myself,
This has gone on for too many years.

I don't want to show my emotions,
Or to tell you how I feel.
I just want to know the difference,
Between what is fake and what is real.

I'm just another lost soul,
That is waiting to be found.
I'm just another liability,
That you don't want around.

I'm just falling through the air,
And I'm about to hit the ground.
But I don't expect anyone to catch me,
Because no one wants me around.

No one really cares about me,
They just ignore me everyday.
No one really cares enough,
To even ask me if I'm okay.

Sinitchie!! Where Are You?

2009-10-10T00:18:00.000-07:00

That girl I saw
Not long before
Has left me now
But how long for?
Her eyes are mine
Her smile too
But where'd she go
And what to do?
Her shadow covers
Over me
I just wish
That I could see
Why she's gone
And left me here
Without a thought
Without a care

MOM said

2009-10-09T23:48:00.000-07:00

You know You don't really know what you've got until you loose it.

You don't know how bad your going to feel when that special someone leaves or isn't around until they are really gone.

You don't know how it feels to be lonely until you sleep by yourself for the first time in years.

You really don't know what true love is until it gets ripped right out of your hands.

You don't know how to tell your 2 year old where their father is until she comes up to you and asks.

You don't know what the word I love you mean until the love of your life tell you it on the day of your wedding day.

You don't know what its like to stay up late with your daughter because she wants her daddy until that night you are up all night because she is screaming for her daddy.

You don't know how mad your daughter is until she goes off on you and tells you she hates you for taking her father from her.

So hold on to what you have because you never know when its going to be ripped right out of your hands.

so, dont be like me
appreciate what ever you have
coz you will lose it tomorrow...

Everyone changes

2009-10-09T23:41:00.000-07:00

She use to smile, she use to laugh. Now she cries and dreams of the past.
There use to be no lies or heartache. So when did it begin when did her heart brake?
So happy with her friends, in love with her boyfriend, they never thought to look back, not one look. but finally it was time, and time it took.
Betrail and scams, rumors and pain. She was all alone and still the same, everyone left and they all changed.
So now this young girl is lost, not torn, but sad,then she realized all she ever had...was gone.
Theres no going back into the past. You make it in the future and make it last.
So live life or be dead now.
Amazing how you will look on it now.

I Hate This Feelings

2009-10-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

feel like i've betrayed my fren

feel like i've killed her

feel like i just tear her heart apart

feel like im a lier

feel like im a looser

feel like killing myself

feel sooo depressed

feel like im heartless

feel like im so emo

feel like calling sinithie

feel like having a relation back with her

feel like saying sorry to my tween

feel like crying infront of them

feel like kissing someone

feel like living in pre-hell

feel so pain when I cut myself

feel so releaf to see thee blood came off

feeling weird

feel so fake

feel so uncomfortable

feel like ppl are watching me

feel like running away

feel so shame with myself

feel like a fool

feel like acting

feel like a prisonor

feel like stop smoking

feel like taking 1000 types of pain killer

feel like drinking alcohol

feel like dying

feel soo broken

feel like f***ing ppl

feel like having ***

feeling real bad

feeling like im alone

feeling like i just lost my frens

feel so gay

feel like becoming a drama queen

feel like nobody trust me anymore

feeling like having a bf

feel like playing "shit"

i've felt enough!!

i had also represented myself as a fool for a very long time!!

i have to move on..

but i dont know where to start...

i have to pay back for my sins

but i dont know what have i done

i have to say sorry to my tween

but i dont know how

i've lost my shoulder cry

but i dont know when

i have to fake everytg from now on

but i dont know why...

scars, cigarrette, drugs

seriously are not helping me

who should i cry to

who should i tell my stories to

who should i trust

who can understand me

who can help me

no one can see my pain

no one can judge me truly

no one can read my sign

no one can shed my tears

no one have gone true my trajic life

no one understand....

This is the scar at my back tht you guys wna see so much

2009-10-05T20:37:00.001-07:00

Myspace Layouts

Heartless

2009-09-29T23:25:00.000-07:00

Call me heartless,
but I have feelings..

Call me stupid,
But I just dont understand..

Call me fucked up,
But I am just not perfect..

Call me insecure,
but Im just scared..

Call me a liar,
but Im just too scared to show my feelings..

Call me hurtful,
but I just speak the truth..

Call me worthless,
but at least Im something..

Call me heartless,
but I have emotions, just like everyone else..

Call me weak,
but deep inside I know Im strong..

Call me fearful,
but I believe that Im brave..

Call me anything you like,
Coz words will still hurt me..

When will people understand that words can cut,
As sharply as any blade,
And those cuts leave scars upon our soul...

To you dear,
"I love you..If that doesnt mean anything to you,
then look into the mirror, and tell me, who's heartless now?
because im slowly breaking apart..
And crying from an aching heart..."

My Mom Is Acting Weirdly

2009-09-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

Once she've said
"no boys allowed in ur life"

Now,
"do u want any boyfriend?"

Last time she used to ignore me
I even have to raise my hand to talk to her..
And once she've said
"Can you shut up for awhile?"

Now,
"Why are u not talking? any probs? yuhooo!"

Few years ago,
She had checked whatva thing I had

Now,
Eventhough she find out smtg,
She just acting cool....
WEIRD!!

Since I was small,
She would never care who I appeared to be or what im wearing

Now,
She even buy me make up and lots more
Just to make me girlish...
Too late mom..

Do u believe tht my mom dont even know what's my fav food?
She dont even noe anytg bout me..
She's not the one who took care of me...
Even my bestie no more than her...

Now,
She's trying to get closed to me,
I feel so awkward!!!
She bought me everytg that i want...
She gave me kinda lots of money for my birthday
And tret me so called "well"

Im a problematic child..
I knew that!!
DOnt try to change me mom..
Its too late...
I cant be someone who I dont want to be...
Its like the real me had gone away...

Mom,
I hope u will find out this...

I noe u love abang more than me..
I noe im not supposed to exits in this world..
I noe ur regreting it now..

But,
I dont even bother about that now..
Im used to it..
Yes...its hurt...
But stop doing this...!
Im not desperate for it...
I was...but no more...
I can survive...
With my grandma..

Go ahead..
Carry on loving abang...
Go spend ur time with him..
I just cant appreciate whteva ur doing...
It such a waste of time....

It doesnt mean that I dont love u...
I dont noe whts love is...
I dont get attention from my parents..
Only attention from my bro and grandma...

About what u've said last nite...
"U only smile and acted good to ur friends!!"
Yea...its true...
Coz with them...I feel the love...
We love and we care about each other...
They are my shoulder cry...
They are my moms and dads...
And also my siblings...
They are ready to give whteva tht u cant...

Sorry mom...
Its better for u to hate me...
By doing this,
I can only hurt u i return...
Sorry.....

14 September ( 21.21pm) my world is over

2009-09-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

At 6.00pm,

Im supposed to be there,

Celebrating my day with her..

BUt my mom found annick's letter..

And she's mad at me..

She dont let me to go there..

She was asking me craps..

Im so moody and depressed..

I juz leave her hanging..

She called me several times,

I juz couldnt help to answer...

The third called, I answered...

S:"are u coming??"

N:"i...im afraid...i might not going..."

S:"u seriously cant?"

N:"ya...im sorry..so sorry.."

S:"......im here.....with ur presents in of my eyes...."

N:"im sorry..."

S:"that's okay.."

-then she hanged on...-

How I wish I can go...

So I seek for my bro's help..

He called my mom,

At last, she give me permission to go..

It's already 8.15pm

Im so scared she might be gone...

And so I went to the airport...

And then I find for her..it's 9.05pm

The flight had already left..

I took a glance at a restaurant nearby..

I saw a card, a box of cake..

A book, a piece of paper with a pen on it..

I believe they are from her..

I look aside,

And I saw the book again..

I wonder what's in it..

And I open and have a look..

It was a diary...

The first page was the picture of me and my bro..

Written below it, "My Family"

I juz stared at the photo..

Im blank..totally blank...

She really appreciate our relationship...

as family...

Tears when down my face...

Together with the memories...

I saw something beside the book..

In a plastic box...a shirt...a couple shirt...

pink colour t-shirt...

but she didnt take the boy neither the girl's shirt..

both are with me..

I turned around..

My grandma was behind me..

She juz look at me and said,

"call her..."

How am I supposed to call her?

She might be boarding the flight now...!

but I juz follow what she said..

I called her...

It straight away went to voicemail...

Then I was standing infront of the departure enterance...

I called her again...stupid!

Again...to the voicemail...

Thanx to my mom.!!!

F****** Idiot!!!

My grandma came and calm me down..

"Nina...I've felt it too....sabar je..."

Sabar??? Easy to say!!

ITs juz super bloody hard to do!!

And I looked at the watch..

Its 21.21pm

Time that makes my world's over

Time that makes me heartless..

time that change the real me..

time when i was reborn..

Time when the past Amalina was gone...